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Session 4: Respect for Self and Others Video Transcript

Alright, our fourth employability skill of the day is respect. Respect, think about that word. What does respect mean to you? I know to me, it means that I feel that people value me. People see the value in me and they treat me that way. They treat me as a person who has value. Think about what respect means to you. Think about times where you feel like you've been respected and times where you might feel like I have not been respected. And how did that make you feel? Self respect versus respect for others. We have to have self respect. You are a person of inherent and intrinsic value and worth. You're unique. You have value and you should be respect. You should have respect for yourself. One things we hear often from employers is that some of the younger employees that they work with don't seem to have self-awareness, which shows a lack of respect. They're not really aware of how they are being perceived by others, perhaps by the way that they're behaving. Maybe they're late all the time. We talked about that in the last section or the way that they talk. So respect yourself.

You have value. You've got a unique contribution to give to the world. Own that and act appropriately and think about, is the way that I'm interacting with others show that I respect myself and that they should respect me and, ugh. On respect for others, it's something you should always do. You should always treat others with respect. One thing we have to get over is do these people deserve respect or not? Everyone is someone that you should treat with respect. Self respect. We talked about a little bit. It forms the foundation of the decisions that you make, how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. Now I have something I'd like to share about self respect and how other people treat you. Sometimes it can really be a lost cause to be demanding that other people respect you. People are going to respect you or not, so I look at as I want to surround myself with people who respect me and I don't want to surround myself with people who don't, so I don't go around demanding respect from people. If someone is disrespectful and ugly to me, and it's in a key relationship that I want to have, I just don't continue that anymore.

I don't waste time going around demanding that people speak to me in a respectful way. That is a waste of time. I think that there's two different kinds of respect that someone can have for another person. There's one level of just respecting them because they're are person and they're a living human, so the second definition I really thought the second level of respect you can have for someone is respect for that person because of their values, because of how they carry themselves, and their character, and you don't always have to respect someone on that level. There's a lot of people who don't respect me on that level just because of the way I do things, but you always have to maintain that sort of respect for someone, that baseline respect because they're are person and because they deserve to be treated humanely as a person. You don't always have to agree with what they're doing and sort of respect it in that sense. And when it comes to tolerance, you know I sort of think of tolerance as the baseline for creating that respect. You know, looking at someone in their life path, they may be different than you they made for all different kinds of reasons. You know in this society were becoming more tolerant, more aware of all the different, like all the differences humans can actually have. And so tolerance is just the baseline, first stepping stone that you'd have to sort of get to that second. That first level of respect, and that second level of respect, and tolerance is sort of being like, OK, I see, and I hear these things are going on your life. I'm not actively working against you and I'm not actively going to try to diminish your value in any way. That's sort of what I see as tolerance.

Respect is a little bit deeper than tolerance, in my opinion. Tolerance is obviously, you're just tolerating somebody you'll put up with them. If you have to, you just kind of push him to the side, or like push whatever idea or thought to the side. But a respect for something is a different level of thinking internally, so if I, if I respect someone, that means that I have, you know, like mentally judged their character or or fit them to some sort of mental scale of what I thought that they should be or what I would relate them to. And then after making that decision of you know, this guy is worth his weight or this guy isn't, then I might not respect him as much as if you were worth his weight. I think respect is when you value an opinion or your value person. Whereas tolerance is simply putting up with it. You may not really give it time of day. You know may not value it kind of give it any thought, you just it's there. Whereas respect is you give it a natural idea, you give it thought. You say this, this person has this idea or this person, whatever it may be, you look into it and you say, OK, this is why they think that, this is how they think that, can I use any of that or is this something that pertains to me? Whereas if you're tolerating somebody, it's just they're there, you don't, you don't care enough to really go into it or or kind of see what they, why they are the way they are. What does self respect say about you?

If you have strong character and morals and values, you know what's important and you know your worth. So embrace your skills, abilities and knowledge. You have them. You have unique gifts and talents and experiences that make you a person of value. Don't forget that. Respect yourself and other people will respect you. Respect for others. The Golden rule Treat other people the way that you want to be treated. How do you want to be treated? If you get in a disagreement or an opinion? Do you want people to have an open mind or just shut you off before they listen to you? Do you want people to look for common ground when you've got issues? Do you want to be listened to? Do you enjoy interacting with other people who can't keep their emotions in control? Think about these things. How do you like to be treated and let that guide how you treat others.

I want to point out the difference between tolerance and respect. To me, tolerance is something that you just put up with. I tolerate a certain behavior. I tolerate this person, you know they're there. I have to deal with them. I don't really like them, but I tolerate them. That's a stark contrast to respect. I respect them. I might not always agree with somebody, but I know they're are person of inherent worth and value and so I respect them. I show by my actions that they have value. So think about that in your interactions with others. Seek not to just tolerate others, but to show them that you respect them.

I feel for the person that is being disrespected and also depending on who is the person disrespecting them. It can obviously, it can be frustrating at times, especially when you know the caliber of person that they are talking back to or being disobedient to. And you recognize what they mean to you. But if you take a step back from from being slightly frustrated and you talk with whatever individual, you can hit them with a different perception of that person, you get them with your version of whoever you're talking about, whoever they're talking about, and that's happened multiple times, and sometimes that it ends with the fact of them kind of being a little bit more sympathetic to whoever they were being disrespectful to and correcting whatever behavior it was. And then it's also happened where they just cast my perception aside and they continue with their own path, and I mean, it's part of it. And it's always going to happen, I think, but it's worth attempting, I guess.

The motives behind people disrespecting other people is not always because they don't like you. It could be because they've had a bad experience with someone that you remind them of. You know there's a lot of different things, and being a leader, like a leadership position, I've had to learn that all of these different things come into play when you're interacting with someone. And if you feel disrespected by that person because most likely wasn't intentional, you know, I think disrespect is very intentional and when you feel that way a lot of times that can be cleared up by just having a conversation with that person. You know being like why did you say this to me? Why are you treating me this way? You know why do you act this way towards me? You know, because then you may come to find out that they had a bad experience with someone who's like you or who looks like you or who is in your position. You know they may that be a leadership role, may that be you like your profession, you really have to have that conversation with someone and figure out the root of that disrespect. And if it comes down to they just don't like you for whatever reason, there's nothing you can do about that. And that was also another hard lesson to learn.

I remember when I was in high school, just like everyone else, I wanted people to like me, you know, but that can't be your focus because you have to recognize that you have a reason for the, you know, you have a reason for why you do things and when you're confident in that, people disrespecting you, people not liking you, it won't matter anymore and you can really focus on what's important. It hurts. Definitely a little bit. And there's different ways that you can be respectful, obviously, but, it's one of those things that if it kind of makes you wonder why. If it's something that my initial thought always is, did I do something wrong to deserve that? So it kind of makes me think and say Was there something that I could have done differently? Or was I maybe disrespectful to them before they were to me? And then in terms of it, always makes me want to ask them or continue to talk to them and figure out why they are that way or why they responded in that way. But sometimes I can cause for even more disrespect or more controversy or conflict or anything like that. So you kind of have to be careful with balancing being open in communication versus kind of just letting it be and kind of saying that if it doesn't really kill you, just kind of let it be, you know, and it's part of that growth and part of that experience that you may master at throughout your your time in any kind of corporation, or any experience you may have. In summary, respect is a crucial thing, both in respecting yourself, and making sure that you surround yourself with people who have respect for you and respecting others.

And I love this circle, giving respect and getting respect. And that is often how it goes. Often we have to give it before we get it, and I would encourage you, especially if you're in a relationship that has that has some issues going on, give and give and give without just doing it to expect in return, because sometimes it might take a little while to learn for people to learn from you to give that same respect in the way that you do.

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