Nigel Cares: Healthy relationships

By Misty McDonald
Title IX investigator

More than half of all college students say that it is difficult for them to identify dating abuse and 38% do not know how to get help. These are troubling statistics as 43% of dating college women say they have experienced behaviors that are unhealthy such as physical, verbal, and controlling abuse.

Some of the key attributes of a healthy relationship are honesty, equality, respect, independence, trust, and kindness. Whereas an unhealthy relationship can include isolation, belittling, betrayal, manipulation, possessiveness, and volatility.

For both men and women, reflect on your relationship and consider the following red flags:

• Your partner has no friends – other than you.
• Hanging out with this person leaves you feeling tired and sick.
• Your partner criticizes you or calls you names.
• Your partner is constantly texting you to check in.
• They interrupt you constantly or give you the silent treatment.
• You are always apologizing and you are not sure why.
• They want you to go on a diet, dye your hair, or otherwise "fix" you.
• Your partner is obsessed with you.
• There is a lot of lying, even about little things.
• All your friends hate your partner.

If you believe you are in an unhealthy relationship reach out to friends and family to ask for support.
Take advantage of campus and community resources.

Student Counseling is available to be there for you and they can direct you to helpful organizations or groups.

If you are living with your partner, consider contacting a domestic violence center.

Should you suspect a friend or family member is in an unhealthy relationship, show them compassion and let them know you are here to support them. However, remember that sharing your concerns is a delicate situation. It is common to blame themselves for the behavior of their partner, feel shame, or dismiss any concerns.

Talk to Student Counseling or a community group and seek their advice on how to help your friend or family member.

I encourage you to take a step back and look at your relationship to ensure you are in a healthy relationship.