Nigel Cares: Grief helps celebrate life

By Debbie Nelson, licensed professional counselor for Student Counseling

Grieving the loss of a loved one can feel overwhelming and sad. However, it also allows us the opportunity to process our feelings in order to celebrate life.

According to the late Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross there are seven stages of grief as follows:

• Shock: This is a feeling of disbelief on hearing the news. Sometimes there are physical feelings of nausea, vomiting, increased heart rate, headaches, or difficulty sleeping.

• Denial: This is a stage of feeling helpless and doing things to avoid the inevitable. It is a time to adjust to the unavoidable and to absorb what has happened. In processing the reality, it also allows us to endure the emotional pain.
• Anger: When experiencing emotional discomfort, we may have a lot of anger. It is likely that anger is a way to cover up feeling fearful and is more socially acceptable than admitting we are afraid.
• Bargaining: This gives us a perceived sense of control over something we cannot control. In the case of a loved one who has a terminal illness you might talk to a higher power and promise you will change if only the loved one lives. A person may have regrets about personal faults or times when they felt disconnected from their loved one or caused them emotional pain.
• Depression: This is a time when a person feels the loss of their loved one. They may pull inward, be less social, or isolate themselves more than before the loss of the individual.
• Testing: A person begins to look for alternative ways to deal with their grief in this stage.
• Acceptance: In this stage, a person still feels the pain of loss, but no longer resists or denies it.

It is important to realize that the grieving process is not linear or even circular. It is actually more of a zigzag where a person experiences one stage followed by another stage; however, it does not necessary proceed in any particular order and stages are often repeated by an individual.

It may be helpful to practice times of normal and routine behavior, such as continuing to attend classes. This can provide a sense of normalcy and distraction in life.

Grieving can sometimes cause challenges with focus and motivation in classes. You may feel like a failure and that your life will never be normal or good again. Student Counseling can provide help in processing your feelings around grief.

Celebrating life allows individuals to heal. It permits time to focus on the positive influences your loved one had on your life. It provides the opportunity for you to continue to live your life and experience the joy, happiness, and good things around you.

UNG will celebrate the lives of students who have died while enrolled at UNG Remembers Day on April 27.  Please join us for this opportunity to grieve and celebrate:

• Gainesville Campus: Noon
• Oconee Campus: Noon
• Dahlonega Campus 5 p.m.

For more information, visit the Student Counseling website or the Nigel Cares website.