Nigel Cares: Offer help in unhealthy situations

By Leigh Parker, Title IX coordinator

The University of North Georgia (UNG) has an office dedicated to responding to and preventing sexual misconduct, including sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, dating and domestic violence, and gender-based discrimination.

You can contact the Title IX Compliance Office and your Title IX coordinator, Leigh Parker, at 706-867-4560 or titleix@ung.edu.

The office is located in the Downtown Office Building on the Dahlonega Campus.

Did you know that more than 1 in 3 women, nearly 1 in 3 men, and 1 in 2 trans or nonbinary people will be in an abusive relationship in their lifetime? 

Additionally, 40% of Black women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, 51% of Indigenous women have experienced sexual violence by an intimate partner, and three women a day are killed by their partners in the United States.

While dating and relationships can be complicated, there are some behaviors that are unhealthier than others. Look out for 10 signs of an unhealthy relationships and speak with the Title IX Office or a UNG counselor if you think you or a friend might be in one:

1. Intensity — Someone is rushing the pace of the relationship.
2. Possessiveness — Someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you spend time with and what you do.
3. Manipulation — Someone tries to control your decisions, actions or emotions.
4. Isolation — Someone keeps you away from friends, family, or other people.
5. Sabotage — Someone purposely ruins your reputation, achievements, or success.
6. Belittling — Someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yourself.
7. Guilting — Someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you feel like it's your job to keep them happy.
8. Volatility — Someone has a really strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused or intimidated.
9. Deflecting responsibility — Someone repeatedly makes excuses and blames you for their unhealthy behavior.
10. Betrayal — Someone is disloyal or acts in an intentionally dishonest way.

What do you do if you suspect your friend is in an unhealthy relationship? People often wonder, "If someone is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, why don't they just leave?" But the truth is that there are many reasons a person may not leave an abusive relationship, including lack of resources, fear, and that they may love their abuser. It's never as easy as "just leaving."

When you see a friend in need, you can act as a "bystander" on their behalf: Offer support without judging, connect them with a community group for survivors or with your Title IX coordinator. Help your friend know that there is free and nonjudgmental support available. Don't ever shame a person for being in a bad situation. 

One especially dynamic and confidential community partner of UNG is Rape Response. This organization provides many support resources and is available 24/7. You can contact Rape Response anytime at 770-503-7273 or www.raperesponse.com.