Helping a Friend

If a friend or loved one tells you they have been sexually assaulted; it is likely one of the hardest things they have ever had to say to you. It may take weeks, months, or even years to feel ready to talk about what has happened.

Most people have little experience helping someone through a traumatic event such as a sexual assault, so it is normal to be unsure what to do. Your love, support, and understanding are what your friend needs.

Supportive Information

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) recommends being supportive through a survivor’s healing process.

Helpful Phrases from RAINN

“I believe you. / It took courage to tell me about this.”

It can be challenging for survivors to come forward and share their experiences. They may feel ashamed, concerned that they will not be believed, or worried they would be blamed. Leave any “why” questions or investigations to the experts — your job is to support this person.

Be careful not to interpret calmness as a sign that the event did not occur—everyone responds to traumatic events differently. The best thing you can do is to believe them.

“It is not your fault. / You did not do anything to deserve this.”

Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator personally. Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.

“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”

Let the survivor know you are there for them and willing to listen to their story if they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if there are people in their life they feel comfortable going to, and remind them that there are service providers who can support them as they heal from experience.

“I am sorry this happened. / This should not have happened to you.”

Acknowledge that the experience has affected them. Phrases like “This must be tough for you” and “I am so glad you are sharing this with me” help to communicate empathy.

Ongoing Support

Avoid sharing your experiences with sexual violence, as this can minimize a person's experience. It is important to remember that their experience is theirs and cannot be compared with other people.

Allow the survivor to decide how they will manage the next steps in their healing process. Some people want to report to University officials but not the local law enforcement; others do not wish to report to anyone. It is essential to let the survivor decide how to proceed. If they ask for your advice, remind them it is their decision and try to remain neutral.

There is no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event, consider the following ways to show your continued support.

Do Not Share

The person that experienced harm has a right to privacy and should be able to trust that you will not share details of what happened to them with friends or peers. You should only share this person's experience if you are a Mandated Reporter or are concerned for their immediate safety.

Avoid Judgment

It can be challenging to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period. Avoid phrases that suggest they take too long to recover, such as, “You have been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”

Check in Periodically

The event may have happened long ago, but that does not mean the pain is gone. Check-in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.

Know your Resources

You are a strong supporter, but that does not mean you can manage someone else’s health. Be sure to utilize resources, such as Student Counseling, for yourself.

If you are concerned for the safety or well-being of a person, call UNG Police at (706) 864-1500 or 911 to get appropriate professional support.